


Condoms

by PuleleHua



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, Mpreg, Out of Character, Parody, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-18
Updated: 2012-09-18
Packaged: 2018-09-30 11:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10162505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuleleHua/pseuds/PuleleHua
Summary: Harry and Draco have a minor problem, and Harry has an idea to use a Muggle product to fix it. What was he getting into when he took Draco to a Muggle store?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

****

Condoms

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
 **Beta:** Kaiulani  
 **Author’s Note:** So a few years ago, I saw two guys at Wal-Mart standing in front of the condoms area and they were having some sort of discussion. I forgot what triggered that memory, but I knew I needed to write something with Drarry.

* * *

“Harry, why are we in a Muggle store?” Draco hissed.

“Well as we have just discovered that contraceptives don’t work with us, I figured we could do it the old fashion way.”

“By using Muggle products?” Draco yelled.

Some of the customers looked at the two of them.

“Shh!! Keep it down.”

Harry grabbed onto Draco’s arm and dragged him further into the store. 

“Look, I love James and Scorpius, and I will love this one too. But we’re only twenty-five years old; we’re about to have three kids.”

“I know. I really wish we knew about this sooner though. Why are we getting them now? You’re already pregnant.”

“We’re still allowed to have sex and I want you to be accustomed to them.”

“Okay, let’s go get these penis wrappers.”

“They’re called condoms.”

“Whatever.”

They walked to the health aisle and found the sexual wellness area to see five shelves of condoms.

“Oh, this will be easy,” Draco said sarcastically.

“Didn’t know there were so many. Well, we don’t need to get ribbed or the flavored ones. Just something that will get the job done.”

“Flavored? Why would they flavor it?”

“Some couples like to use condoms during oral sex.”

“Hmm…a lot more easier and cleaner than using actual food on your cock.”

“Draco!”

Harry turned towards the lady with her daughter who were passing by.

“Sorry ma’am. He doesn’t have an off button.”

The lady gave them an ugly look and hurriedly moved along.

“Let’s just pick one quickly and get out. I don’t want to have to explain to the Ministry why I had to _Obliviate_ Muggles.”

“Don’t worry,” Draco moved his wand arm discretely, “I put a Notice-Me-Not spell. We’re fine.”

“Just hurry.”

They took five minutes just perusing the shelves. Harry was regretting ever having this idea. Reaching out, he grabbed the basic XL Trojan condoms – yes, extra large. It was one hell of a surprise the first time he saw Draco naked.

“How about these?” Harry asked.

“Hmm…didn’t think they would have my size but no. Too plain.”

“Too plain? Honey, our sex life is kinky enough. What more do you want?”

“Well I didn’t know about hats for cocks until now an--”

“Hold on! Hats for cocks?”

“What? ‘Condoms’ just sounds stupid. Anyway, since there are different ones, we’re going to have to try all of them.”

And so Harry watched as Draco started grabbing box after box after box of condoms.

First there were the flavored ones – cherry, strawberry, vanilla, and tropical. The different material condoms – natural lamb, latex, non-latex. The condoms that were already lubricated were added as well especially the dual lubricants. Then the textured ones.

“‘Ribbed for her pleasure’…this might still work for you.”

Harry quickly conjured a basket for the growing pile in Draco’s arms.

“Here.”

Draco dumped the boxes in the basket.

“Oh! They even have thin ones so it feels like you’re hardly wearing anything.”

And those were added as well.

“Okay. I think we have enough between you and me. Let’s go.”

Draco walked back to the front of the store. Harry looked down at the basket in his hands.

“Oh Merlin. My ass is going to be sore.”

Harry caught up with Draco at the cashier and dumped the boxes on the counter. He couldn’t even look at the teenage girl working the register. Draco stood there with a smirk.

“So is this all together,” the girl asked all flustered. 

“Uh, yeah,” Harry answered still not looking up.

Draco continued to smirk.

The girl was finishing up when she said, “Your… _girlfriends?_...must be very happy.”

Draco looked at her.

“Actually, no. My _husband_ , though, is _extremely_ happy.”

“Oh! Well, he’s a lucky man.”

The poor girl told them the total and Harry gave her his credit card. She rang up the card and packed the boxes in the bag.

“Here you go and have a _wonderful_ day,” the girl winked at them.

“We sure will,” Draco drawled.

Harry took his card back and Draco grabbed the bag.

“That was fun," Draco said as they walked out of the store.

He wrapped his other arm around Harry’s waist and pulled him closer.

“Your ass is going to be sore tonight,” he whispered to Harry.

“Oh Merlin.”

**_~fin_ **


End file.
